Psycho-Babble Newbies Thread 345688

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it's a bad day: here's the real me

Posted by Ivan Michael on May 11, 2004, at 10:15:34

i hate my life. i hate people. i hate who i am. i hate everiething. i hate everieone. i hate all of you. i want to die. i want to lay down and give up. i don't want to breathe or feel pain or see or aniething. i want to slash my arms and ankles and throat and thrust a knife into my heart. i want to die now and painfullie. i hate this. it hurts so bad. do you think i'm crazie? i sure as hell do. nobodie understands. not my familie, not you, not my g/f, not even me. i hate this life. i want to die. just go away and leave me alone...............................................................................

i'm sorrie. that is part of the real me. i don't reallie hate you guys. i love you. i think of you guys as some of my true friends. i hope that you don't take anie of that the wrong way. this is just how i feel. one of three sides. two of them are normallie hidden. one that wants to cry all the time and this one. part of me is hate. part of me is saddness. the other is emptie. i try to hide it. i don't reallie know my true self. i'm sorrie my friends. i love you all. please forgive me for what i said.:(

 

Re: it's a bad day: here's the real me » Ivan Michael

Posted by Fallen4MyT on May 11, 2004, at 22:13:42

In reply to it's a bad day: here's the real me, posted by Ivan Michael on May 11, 2004, at 10:15:34

(((((( IVAN )))))))) I hate stuff too....thats rather astute of you to KNOW its JUST a part of the sum total that makes up you...but please do not DO anything to act on some of the SI thoughts and feelings....AND you said and feel and think nothing you NEED forgiveness for...we all hate and wanna do bad stuff...its what we DO with the thoughts and feelings that count...You still seeing a T???
MEGA HUGS TO "ALL" OF you..Ivan ...the good side and bad side


> i hate my life. i hate people. i hate who i am. i hate everiething. i hate everieone. i hate all of you. i want to die. i want to lay down and give up. i don't want to breathe or feel pain or see or aniething. i want to slash my arms and ankles and throat and thrust a knife into my heart. i want to die now and painfullie. i hate this. it hurts so bad. do you think i'm crazie? i sure as hell do. nobodie understands. not my familie, not you, not my g/f, not even me. i hate this life. i want to die. just go away and leave me alone...............................................................................
>
> i'm sorrie. that is part of the real me. i don't reallie hate you guys. i love you. i think of you guys as some of my true friends. i hope that you don't take anie of that the wrong way. this is just how i feel. one of three sides. two of them are normallie hidden. one that wants to cry all the time and this one. part of me is hate. part of me is saddness. the other is emptie. i try to hide it. i don't reallie know my true self. i'm sorrie my friends. i love you all. please forgive me for what i said.:(

 

Fallen4MyT

Posted by Ivan MIchael on May 12, 2004, at 10:07:39

In reply to Re: it's a bad day: here's the real me » Ivan Michael, posted by Fallen4MyT on May 11, 2004, at 22:13:42

thankyou. you guys mean so much to me. i feel better today so i don't think i'll blow up again. lol. it's just that i think i'm getting worse. i get mad at my g/f and my friends, and my parents all the time, and strangers, and myself for being this way. most of the time i get upset and then feel horrible about it and put myself down even more. i've always tried to be peaceful too, but when kids openlie come up to you and try to start a fight, 2 guys have so far, i don't want to beat the crap outa them, i wanna beat them down to the ground, throw them over the rail of the steps, and slit their throat with a pair of scissors. i know that i shouldn't think stuff like that and i almost did push a kid over the rail the other day but stopped myself just in time. i hope that i never do go too far. well i'll rap this up. i still am seeing a counselor and i'll tell him how i feel, even though i've lied about it before. thanks for the hugs. my dark side needs it. lotsa hugs back. later. and thanks for being here. :)

 

Re: Fallen4MyT/ IVAN » Ivan MIchael

Posted by Fallen4MyT on May 12, 2004, at 19:10:50

In reply to Fallen4MyT, posted by Ivan MIchael on May 12, 2004, at 10:07:39

Ya know its OK with me if you blow up daily I like the dark half of you too..WE all have dark sides and I have spent many a nights looking at hubby sleeping and thinking of smothering him with a pillow...but haven't YET....tis better to let it out by talking or even drawing pics of what you think/feel/wish than acting on it. I am glad you didnt toss the kid off cause you would end up in a mess....you do not deserve that so don't let them push you to it..In school I use to get picked on...I was soooo not good looking and I hated a lot of kids..when I went to a class reunion recently THEY had forgotten and were all over me...I look pretty good and all now and have did some small time modeling since high school....and well...it was just a passing thing to them but stung me.
SO HUGE HUGS to your dark side..curse me..in a civil way lol....hate me, call me names...do what you want...toss me off the railing ..I will jump back up like Spiderman (loved that movie) and hug that dark side anyhow

> thankyou. you guys mean so much to me. i feel better today so i don't think i'll blow up again. lol. it's just that i think i'm getting worse. i get mad at my g/f and my friends, and my parents all the time, and strangers, and myself for being this way. most of the time i get upset and then feel horrible about it and put myself down even more. i've always tried to be peaceful too, but when kids openlie come up to you and try to start a fight, 2 guys have so far, i don't want to beat the crap outa them, i wanna beat them down to the ground, throw them over the rail of the steps, and slit their throat with a pair of scissors. i know that i shouldn't think stuff like that and i almost did push a kid over the rail the other day but stopped myself just in time. i hope that i never do go too far. well i'll rap this up. i still am seeing a counselor and i'll tell him how i feel, even though i've lied about it before. thanks for the hugs. my dark side needs it. lotsa hugs back. later. and thanks for being here. :)


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