![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bronte19 on August 20, 2004, at 16:49:24
Hello everyone.
I've been browsing the message boards here for a while, and I've decided that I might be ready to join in. Here goes nothing:
In the past 8 years, I have found that occasional visits to different therapists have helped me reach short-term emotional stability. I've examined my childhood--like everyone else's, it was tough. I've learned that the patterns of behavior I witnessed as a child continue to affect me today. I am fully aware of what I'm doing wrong; I just can't stop doing it. I'm so irritable and angry sometimes while other times I'm organizing papers and rearranging furniture until I'm exhausted.
Last summer (2003), I visited a pdoc who suspected that my symptoms were like that of a person with bipolar II. I took Lithium for only a month because it turned me into a zombie--a quiet, good-natured one, but unable to THINK. I told her that I thought I was experiencing anxiety more than anything else, so she switched me to Zoloft. I've been taking 50 mg of Zoloft for the past year, which helped with the anxiety attacks I was experiencing. However, a month ago my pdoc added Lamictal because she noticed a pattern emerging--I was exhibiting the same cyclical symptoms as I was when I began seeing her. I've titrated up to 75 mg of Lamictal right now and going up to 100 mg this weekend.
Here's the rub: I am a successful, average-looking woman who works 2 jobs and goes to school; my 4-year-old son is bright and kind to others; my husband is exceedingly understanding; we have enough money (barely, but that's okay with me), 2 working cars, and a small rented house. I guess I have a lot on my plate, but I don't think that is the cause of my moods.
I don't want my son to turn out like I did, and I don't want my husband to have to walk on egg shells. I'm scared that I've just begun the dart-game of Pick-the-Right-Med. I just want to feel normal. Is this possible?
Any thoughts/advice/support are very, very welcome! I promise I will do what I can for others who need my thoughts/advice/support, too.
Posted by partlycloudy on August 22, 2004, at 8:51:40
In reply to Introducing myself, posted by bronte19 on August 20, 2004, at 16:49:24
Hello, and welcome to Babble. I'm not certain I know what normal is anymore. Unfortunately, finding the mix of medications right for you truly is a trial and error process, as everyone reacts differently to different medications. Working closely with your doctor is very important. I also find that keep a mood diary helps me be more objective about the progress I'm making.
I believe there is a strong genetic predisposition for mental illnesses. As I have been working seriously towards being more functional, I have discovered that at least 3 generations backs in my family, we have suffered, both on my maternal and paternal side of my family. Right now I think that more families have it than we know, but it's a subject most families are comfortable talking about.
Posted by bronte19 on August 23, 2004, at 12:24:35
In reply to Re: Introducing myself » bronte19, posted by partlycloudy on August 22, 2004, at 8:51:40
PC, Thanks for writing back. I've read a lot of your posts and almost feel like I already know you and several others on the boards. I know what you mean about family history. Both my younger sister and my younger brother were treated for anorexia in their teens. My brother (fortunately?) was the first of all of us to exhibit symptoms that could not be ignored. Between the three of us, we currently have unipolar and bipolar depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and panic attacks. Our mother thinks medications are for weak people; however, she was treated with psychotherapy for borderline personality while I was very young and still drinks an awful lot of wine! I'm glad we are all living states apart. I also have a half-brother (7 years old), a cousin on each side of my family, and a father with mood disorders. I guess I was bound to have something. I'm 28 and this is the first time I sought out being treated with medication.
Unfortunately, although my family has so much mental illness in it, we hardly talk about our feelings because everyone is so spread out across the US. We usually end up talking about babies and jobs and the weather, I'm afraid, all wrapped up in our own issues.
I go to my pdoc next Tuesday. I hate how long Lamictal must be titrated up to a therapeutic dose; I want to feel better faster! I've been miserable to live with. I rearranged my bookshelves until well past midnight. Luckily, my son has been spending a lot of time with his dad (not my husband), so he hasn't seen me like this very much lately. My husband just tries to get out of the line of fire. I feel guilty for making everyone avoid me when I'm like this.
I don't know how I'm going to hold everything together this semester: I'm a 3rd year Ph.D. student, a graduate research assistant, and an adjunct college instructor of English. Today's the first day, and I'm not off to a good start with little sleep. :(
Posted by partlycloudy on August 23, 2004, at 14:41:51
In reply to Re: Introducing myself, posted by bronte19 on August 23, 2004, at 12:24:35
You have so much on your plate right now! I'd be rearranging my bookcases too if it was me. (Remind me to tell you the time I cross indexed 20 years' worth of National Geographic magazines in the olden days before the internet.)
Do what you can. Be very very good to yourself. Work closely with your p-doc. Post here regularly.
Lather, rinse, and repeat.
Posted by westin on August 23, 2004, at 18:03:09
In reply to Introducing myself, posted by bronte19 on August 20, 2004, at 16:49:24
Hi Bronte,
I too browsed for a while before joining and you may find my intro would give you an insight into why i joined.
The points you made about your reactions and behaviours are very similar to the actions of my partner.You are not alone.
Firstly i must say that in our experience medication is essential and the correct type and dosage is very important.However for us my support and love was "equally important",according to my partner.
Yes at times i walk on "eggshells" but that happens in life anyway.
Where we succeeded and continue to succeed was that i constantly gave reassurance until i was believed- a lengthy process.We discussed the issues only when my partner felt able too.We, together and individually looked for practical ways to reduce/remove the stressors.Honesty can be a painful medicine to swallow.Identified and altered behaviours that caused stress and created difficult situations.We moved house/state and thus removed a lot of "triggers"Out of sight may not be out of mind but the less memories "triggered" = less stress in our case.
As for me i love,admire and respect her so much and my goal continues to be to make her and our kids happy and even though the goal is not always returned as i would wish:We are both human and we both understand that neither one of us can always be on top form.Sometimes, we to have too much on our individual plates.Sharing the burden where possible helps.
My partner has learned that she is not judged and therefore judges herself less and never intentionally judges me.The children (all six of them) do not judge her either she gives more love than harsh words.
One thing just came to mind.My parner felt different not a normal person due to trauma she suffered she now recognises the abusers as abnormal and accepts that occasionally her negative thoughts and feelings may return but that that is normal!A completely normal reaction but now she has her own tools(including med's) to deal with them.
Reading your posting it is obvious that you want to overcome your issues and taking action and as we say in Scotland,"fighting the good fight", has certainly worked here.
I wish you and your family all the best.You can do it.!!!!!!!Ps.We are a joined family 3 each.
Posted by bronte19 on August 27, 2004, at 11:45:05
In reply to Re: Introducing myself » bronte19, posted by partlycloudy on August 23, 2004, at 14:41:51
PC,
Your sense of humor is great! I do need to remind myself to take time out. My favorite is taking my son for a car ride and stopping for ice cream (without my husband--he needs time off, too!).
Bronte19
Posted by bronte19 on August 27, 2004, at 11:58:10
In reply to Re: Introducing myself, posted by westin on August 23, 2004, at 18:03:09
Westin,
Thanks for your support. It helps me a lot to know how a spouse of someone with "mental illness" deals with things. My husband could use some support, too, I think.
Wow! 6 children! I'm impressed. I have all I can handle--and little bit more with one. However, he is the best part of my life right now--his humor makes my day. Yesterday, his preschool teacher told me that a girl asked him to dance during music time. My son's reply was, "I'll dance with you, but I won't marry you." The girl's response, "I didn't ask you to marry me! I just want to dance." Already they are assuming gender roles at age 4.
I do know what you mean about your wife feeling judged--and judging others. I am guilty of the same thing, although I'm told that my standards for myself are still far higher than those I have for other people. I have been accused by family and friends of being Little Miss Perfect. Seeking perfection has been the only way I felt like I could control my life--and my emotions. Little did I know that my emotions were related to assults on the order I thought I could create and control.
I know I've lost closeness with friends and my siblings due to the judging that I do (although I do try to hide it--but I'm not a good liar). Life is chaotic and people are messy--literally and figuratively; I'm trying very hard to cope with that, and I think that medicine is helping some (up to 100 mg of Lamictal, pdoc appt. in 5 days).
Posted by westin on August 27, 2004, at 13:04:19
In reply to Re: Introducing myself, posted by bronte19 on August 27, 2004, at 11:58:10
Hi Bronte,
You are so right about humour it can put a lot into perspective.
I at times felt that i did need support as a supporter and i realised that there would be times when i would have to find it outside the household or within myself.
We also did not surround ourselves with negative,(judgemental peeps?), but made it clear that only positive peeps were welcome.Both our self images improved.I learned not to be so hard on myself too.
We also gained a lot from the kids and learned that life,just does'nt need to be so darned complicated or serious.
There is a site called "The Lighter side of Psychology" i am sorry i do not have the url but if you search using yahoo you will find it easily.
It may offer light relief to you and your husband.
To paraphrase Partlycloudy:
Take seriousness,
Swirl it around with vigour,
Gargle loudly,
And spit!!!!!
Regards,
Westin
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Newbies | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.