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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by memoryleaves on December 3, 2004, at 12:08:19
Greetings all,
What a terrific site this is. I have been wanting to join for a long time and finally have the resources to do so, which makes me feel both happy and relieved.
Relieved because I do not have anyone in my life that understands just what I go through with my therapy, and this is the first place I have been where I feel instantly understood! Thanks to all who contribute with your posts. I've read a lot and have felt supported even though I was unable to partake.
A little about me...I've been labeled with all sorts of psychiatric conditions from panic disorder to bipolar disorder to major depression but none were correct. It took 3 years to figure out what's really going on and I am grateful to finally be in the proper treatment.
I am undergoing EMDR therapy for various childhood traumas. It helps quite a bit, though currently I am stuck and getting frustrated because of it. I'm dealing with ptsd and dissociation. Since starting EMDR I have been able to get off my meds, which is a real blessing, though I do have klonopin on hand for extra rough day's or when I have trouble sleeping due to nightmares or when I'm feeling terribly on guard.
I'm going through a lot of major changes in my life right now so things are feeling fragile, but I'm trying hard to keep fighting the good fight. I am committed to getting well and having a good life. My aspirations are what drive me. I want to go back to school to study social work and psychology and then dedicate my life to advocating for unwanted, abandoned and ab*sed children.
Thanks for having me here amongst all you fine folk. It's good to be here.
~memoryleaves
Posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2004, at 19:23:31
In reply to New Psychobabbler, posted by memoryleaves on December 3, 2004, at 12:08:19
Hiya, glad that you decided to join us! How is EMDR going for you? I have heard some people say that they find it immensely helpful for trauma, but I don't know much about it and have never tried it.
Posted by memoryleaves on December 3, 2004, at 22:01:02
In reply to Re: New Psychobabbler, posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2004, at 19:23:31
Hi there,
Thanks for the kind welcome and for directing me on how to log off. I appreciate it.
Regarding EMDR, it was initially extremely helpful working through some single traumas that had caused many distressing phobias. It has also helped to create insight into past situations I could not fathom before, which I think in turn has helped me in the self-esteem department. It is certainly odd for me to announce to others my future aspirations as I did in my intro post because before EMDR, considering that I just might deserve to have aspirations, or even *feel* them, was not at all conceivable to me. Life was just something you got through. It is quite a change I've experienced, and it's taking some getting used to.
Not that I've reached the other side of the dark tunnel yet. I have a way's to go, and there are some trauma's that I haven't been able to consider going near yet. Problem is, that's kind of where we are in therapy. It's time to work on *those* traumas because they're at the forefront. So I'm stuck, and it's not pleasant. But one thing I've learned is that if I'm stuck it's not forever, especially in EMDR, because things move quickly in this therapy. And perhaps there are more insights for me to learn before stepping into the mire that could very well make the whole process that much easier. One can hope, right?
sorry if I've rambled a bit much:)
Posted by alexandra_k on December 5, 2004, at 2:09:57
In reply to Re: to alexandra_k, posted by memoryleaves on December 3, 2004, at 22:01:02
nope, you weren't even a little bit rambly, I found your post interesting.
What actually happens in EMDR? All I know is that it is something do do with eye movement. Thats it...
Posted by memoryleaves on December 5, 2004, at 12:45:25
In reply to hey, posted by alexandra_k on December 5, 2004, at 2:09:57
Well, there's a bunch of preparatory sessions to see exactly where you're at, to find out points on which to focus treatment, and you're screened for dissociation. You're also taught self-soothing activities and imagery for containment and safe place/secure home base etc.
During an actual EMDR session you sit facing your therapist, only he is more to the right of you. Usually we'll start off having a chat about what went on between sessions, such as what my nightmares were about, flashbacks, certain triggers that caused distress or dissociation, medication, sleep, and any connections or insights regarding the processing of previous sessions. They say the processing doesn't stop when the session ends, and for me that's been very true.
Then we'll either go with a certain memory from our preparatory sessions or with one that's come up between sessions. Usually in my case it's one that's come up between sessions. He'll ask me to hold the memory in my mind and he'll ask me if/where I feel it in my body and how it makes me feel on an emotional and intellectual level. I'll tell him something like, "I'm powerless", or "I'm so afraid", and "my stomach is burning". Then he'll ask me what I'd prefer to feel to which I'd respond something like, "I'm in control", and "I'm strong." There are two different scales he goes by, one is a 0-10 and the other is 0-7, something like that. Then we'll do some sets of eye movements where he holds two fingers together and moves them from side to side for me to follow with my eyes only. They call it bilateral stimulation which can also been done without eye movements, such as by knee tapping, or alternating sounds. In between eye movements he'll ask me what's happening and I'll tell him and we'll focus on what's come up and do more eye movements until the memory is processed. Then he'll ask me the same questions he asked previously and scale the answers again. Usually the scores have gone down significantly, but not always, in which case there's more work to be done on that memory.
Usually after a session I feel physically wiped out, even finding it hard to walk at first, but usually I feel much lighter emotionally--a real sense of relief. All I want to do when I get home is snuggle on the couch and do no brainer stuff like fall in and out of sleep watching TV. It's a real peaceful feeling where you can shut out the world and not feel bad about it. I always like to think in those moments that my body and soul are healing and I have to let them have what they need.
There's something like 8 phases to the whole process so I won't be able to explain all of it, but I hope what I wrote gives you a bit of an idea of how EMDR works.Are you looking into EMDR for yourself?
Posted by alexandra_k on December 8, 2004, at 1:02:31
In reply to Re: hey, posted by memoryleaves on December 5, 2004, at 12:45:25
Thanks for taking the time to describe the process so clearly and in so much detail. I know that people have brought it up a bit on Psychobabble, but for some reason I had confused it with NLP and didn't read their posts.
How do you mean that you are screened for dissociation? Is it unsuitable for people who tend to dissociate? Or does it just need to move a bit slower or something?
It sounds like pretty intense trauma work. I don't think I would be ready for that yet - but it is great that you are, and that you are benefiting from it. It must take a lot of courage and hard work to get through doing something like that.> Then we'll do some sets of eye movements where he holds two fingers together and moves them from side to side for me to follow with my eyes only. They call it bilateral stimulation which can also been done without eye movements, such as by knee tapping, or alternating sounds. In between eye movements he'll ask me what's happening and I'll tell him and we'll focus on what's come up and do more eye movements until the memory is processed.
Hmm. I think I have read a little about that. The idea is supposed to be that you are processing it with both hemispheres so reason and eemotion come together and allow you to process it and move on - is that right? Thats the bit that I wasn't so convinced about - Oh, well, can't hurt I suppose :-)
> Usually after a session I feel physically wiped out- yeah, I bet.
I think that I would like to do EMDR one day. Not for a little while yet, though. I tend to dissociate and would take some time for me to be able to build up enough trust in someone so as to do trauma work.
Posted by memoryleaves on December 9, 2004, at 22:54:37
In reply to Re: hey » memoryleaves, posted by alexandra_k on December 8, 2004, at 1:02:31
Alexandra,
I dissociate as well. They test you for dissociation because not all practitioners trained in EMDR are also trained in the dissociative disorders. There are extra steps involved for dissociative clients.
As I was saying before in another post, I am stuck and unable to continue processing, and that is *because* I am dissociating too much and flooded with all sorts of emotional pain right now. They like to get that under control before commencing or continuing the bilateral stimulation.
But now I'm therapyless for a while and feeling pretty stranded because of it. It just turns out that it's bad timing but there's nothing I can do about that. I will have to find a way to get through this. Turn my *survival mode dial* way up. Guess that's one thing about survivors of trauma, we sure know how to survive because we've had lot's of practice, right?
I'm still hoping there's *real* life after all the surviving we do.
I wish you the best on your journey. You're kindhearted and strong, I can tell already. And I learn from you and others on this board most everyday. Thank you for that:)
Memory
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