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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by WittyOne on July 17, 2006, at 9:16:23
Hey there! I am a mature, evolved(evolving!) guy-has lots of great therapy-this site & writting is NEW & Uncomfortable for me- YET I would like support! My recent therapist of 2 yrs has to terminate due to finishing degree/logistics etc-he has gotten a therapist to take-over. I am very bright/ This therapist for 2 yrs has done BRILLIANT WORK with me.. I cant begin to tell you the strength, brilliance & chutzpah it would have taken to handle my "Father" Issues (altho I have been dealing with them for yrs - yet THIS Time was different- I also said, I wanted to stop therapy soon, after 20 yrs of it.. I am told I know more than many therapists!)...I sort of have struggled with being gay-yet always have said I am gay. THIS Therapist (thats leaving) was hand-picked for me by a previous FEMALE therapist that was exceptional in helping me work thru my issues with my Mom! So.... I Get this Man who to me is a major 'Stud'- major "male" energy, does have or does project (very skillfully?) my fathers energy... anyways.. its been a great 2 yrs- altho I put him thru hell with my anger, frustration, mistrust, hurt, grief from/towards MEN. I thought the Therapist ("MR. X") was Gay - yet he would never ever answer... saying it wasnt important at this moment... He acts/appears straight- I have had a POWERFUL ATTRACTION TO HIM THE WHOLE TIME - HE SYMBOLIZES (From what I 'experience so far!! I KNOW therapy is a one-sided relationship yet I am perceptive, insightful... or am I just starting to be obsessed?)HE SYMBOLIZES EXACTLY THE TYPE OF MAN I HOPE TO ONEDAY HAVE A LONGTERM RELATIONSHIP WITH! I am not stupid to say I love him etc YET....he is POWERFUL PRESENCE/SYMBOL IN MY LIFE! Therapy ends in 2 weeks... thru various interplay/conversation- he mentioned the next therapist "is openly gay & that will be helpful for me"...So- I said; " I Take it, that means you are Straight"? Mr. X answered, no--- " I am Gay" ! I WAS IN SHOCK
All this time... all my vulnerability, sharing about my feelings/longing for men... he has been a terrific therapist and made a WISE DECISION TO NOT DISCLOSE HIS SEXUALITY, as he said/I agree; it wouldnt have allowed us to do the deep work on my issues with men/my Dad etc... NOW... I am EVEN MORE ATTRACTED TO MR.X---- Now that I know HE IS GAY--- I say.. I agree to ethics (like no client-therapist relationships 2 yrs/ 3 yrs etc) YET I WANT to have SOME form of a connection with him... Yet, I guess I Need to know IF (Would he ever tell me the truth?) HE FEEL'S ANYTHING FOR ME ? (I think he does, yet i may be obsessed as this man has sort of helped me come out or come alive with my authenticity, my manhood, my self in many ways.. altho I am still challenged with severe 'social phobia'.) WHAT DO I DO... I cant sleep.. I have cried all weekend.. its been 11 yrs since a relationship and NOW I feel feelings/longings that I havent felt in many yrs? I WANT TO BE , AT LEAST< Emotionally close with MR X .. now (& after tyherapy?)
HELP! I am feeling so much feelings, I am overwhelmed and scared---- HELP!
Posted by Jost on July 17, 2006, at 21:18:13
In reply to Therapy ending- I'm FEELING/WANTING my Therapist, posted by WittyOne on July 17, 2006, at 9:16:23
Hi, WittyOne.
Have you ever talked to your T about your feelings? as part of the therapy, I mean? or, because you thought he was straight, did you decide not to make that part of the work.
You're in a tough tough position-- Having a T leave (however inadvertantly or through no fault of his own) is extremely difficult, if it's been a deep, important relationship.
But as you said, it's not ethical for him to have a relationship after having seen you. So this would be a huge constraint for him. Plus he may have a relationship, and if you were friends, esp. only seeing one another once in a while, you could be putting so much emotion into someone who isn't available.
I guess your only option is to explore the issue, perhaps somewhat indirectly, either in your session, or possibly through a letter. However you feel comfortable.
Or maybe talking with your new T about it, if you feel you do that-- and if you connect well with him.
I'm sorry that it's so hard; but maybe you're idealizing your T, because he has helped you so much. You could be getting the best of him-- even if that sounds contradictory.
Jost
Posted by WittyOne on July 17, 2006, at 22:45:07
In reply to Re: Therapy ending- I'm FEELING/WANTING my Therapi » WittyOne, posted by Jost on July 17, 2006, at 21:18:13
> Hi, WittyOne.
>
> Have you ever talked to your T about your feelings? as part of the therapy, I mean? or, because you thought he was straight, did you decide not to make that part of the work.
>
> You're in a tough tough position-- Having a T leave (however inadvertantly or through no fault of his own) is extremely difficult, if it's been a deep, important relationship.
>
> But as you said, it's not ethical for him to have a relationship after having seen you. So this would be a huge constraint for him. Plus he may have a relationship, and if you were friends, esp. only seeing one another once in a while, you could be putting so much emotion into someone who isn't available.
>
> I guess your only option is to explore the issue, perhaps somewhat indirectly, either in your session, or possibly through a letter. However you feel comfortable.
>
> Or maybe talking with your new T about it, if you feel you do that-- and if you connect well with him.
>
> I'm sorry that it's so hard; but maybe you're idealizing your T, because he has helped you so much. You could be getting the best of him-- even if that sounds contradictory.
>
> Jost
>
How touched I AM/WAS to get your response. THIS SITE is New for me.. and I am trying to reach out more in my life... IT felt SO GOOD to 'experience' again the value & beauty of SUPPORT (and for someone who is challenged with SOCIAL PHOBIA last few yrs; despite having great outgoing personality..its hard to show up anywhere or at meetings or groups)!I hear Everything you say.. I have left a couple 'truthful' voice mails with T (and Yes, we have on & off sort of visited this topic yet it was always under the premise that he was Straight...and I was attracted!).. I WILL Chat with Him (T) & New therapist as well... My Question is, altho being 45 and aware of ethics/yrs in therapy.. yet I am HUMAN-- and I SO WANT THE FEELING OF SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WE & WANTS ME- COURTS ME ETC (Gay Man).. as I am truly more 'authentic' then I have ever been... Is it not possible or realistic at all.... for T & I to have connection after short time out & then date (IF.. thats IF HE is even interested? OR.. IS THIS BASICALLY A DONE DEAL? Powerful therapy & Therapist/Strong Transferance & now ITS OVER, FOREVER ? Hmmmm ? (I feel stupid by 'feeling' all this yet I appreciate THIS WEBSITE AND THE RESPONSE I HAVE REC'D SO FAR! thanks!)
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Posted by Jost on July 19, 2006, at 2:00:16
In reply to Re: Therapy ending- I'm FEELING/WANTING my Therapi, posted by WittyOne on July 17, 2006, at 22:45:07
Hi, WittyOne.
Welcome to Psychobabble. I hope you'll find many interesting people here. Social phobia is a fear that many here share (including myself)
I've written you a longer message, but I can tell my mind is half shut down--virtually nodding to sleep. So I'll let you know my thoughts tomorrow.
I'm glad to see you here, and hope that as you participate more, you find that this is a place to experiment, let your hair down, proverbally, and find that others are kind, thoughtful, and caring.
There are lots of boards to explore, too.
I'll be back in touch tomorrow.
Posted by WittyOne on July 19, 2006, at 10:59:44
In reply to Re: Therapy ending- I'm FEELING/WANTING my Therapi, posted by Jost on July 19, 2006, at 2:00:16
> Hi, WittyOne.
>
> Welcome to Psychobabble. I hope you'll find many interesting people here. Social phobia is a fear that many here share (including myself)
>
> I've written you a longer message, but I can tell my mind is half shut down--virtually nodding to sleep. So I'll let you know my thoughts tomorrow.
>
> I'm glad to see you here, and hope that as you participate more, you find that this is a place to experiment, let your hair down, proverbally, and find that others are kind, thoughtful, and caring.
>
> There are lots of boards to explore, too.
>
> I'll be back in touch tomorrow.THANK YOU! I just found this site... I APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT RE: Social Phobia! I have always had some degree of it yet have had DYNAMIC Work, Jobs and been on-stage, travelling, being an Int'l Flight Attendant.. so I have functioned Very Well too... It seems to have got worse a few yrs ago... and YES, I see/am experiencing that "Connecting", "Getting Support" IS VITAL.. its hard to reach out yet I need to ..... Most People with Social Phobia (including alot of Performers etc) are fantastic, interesting "people" people.... and its sad that we are isolating sometimes...
Re: My Thread (I hope its still there.. as I have NO IDEA how to use this site, its been confusing for me...) ... I am having mixed feelings about who will be my former therapist , soon. I DO feel it 'was no accident' HE has been my T, and I honor Him for NOT disclosing his sexuality despite I hadf an intuition he was Gay etc.. yet ended up settling to the possible reality he wasnt.... I also... Feel - that WE BOTH , may have powerful feelings for each other... AND.. maybe I am in a fantasy (or obsessing ) yet part of me feels.. there will be MORE to this story soon.. and that HIM & I are not done... that a personal connection will be discussed and planned..? I couldnt sleep last night AT ALL.. all I thought about was this IS the Guy I am to possible spend my Life with.... and I say that with a clear mind, reality based and knowledge of all the dynamics... OR.... maybe I just simply WANT HIM.. maybe that would make ALL the last 2 yrs of therapy, make it all worth it or so 'not an accident' that Him & I connect personally.... Today; I feel alittle obsessive or 'sentimental'...knowing IF he is Gay, and IF..thats IF (how embarassing and how possibly real it could be....? hmm.. i dont know) he HAS "Feelings" for me... than I WANT TO SEE HIM NOW < OUTSIDE OF THERAPY! (Maybe no sexual contact etc... yet personal time?)
I look forward to your letter.. THANKS for the welcome...Witty One... (Weds/AM)
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Posted by Scentedgarden on January 28, 2007, at 8:56:36
In reply to Therapy ending- I'm FEELING/WANTING my Therapist, posted by WittyOne on July 17, 2006, at 9:16:23
hi.. i really feel very much for you and im so glad you have shared...as im also having pain and heartach from having to leave my therapist...
so i like to invite you if you pls go onto the psychobabble board...you will maybe get loadz of help there too as many folks have been in simiar pain..
im in the same sort of pain myself as i love my therapist and im not sure about my sexulity ans she's a woman, and im a woman..!
my thread from yesterday 27th january is very long but maybe you can relate to it...
anyway thanks for sharing with us...
and warm welcome to babble..
p.s. may i ask ..have you enountered your thrapists all through university councelling sort of a thing...? just wonder as it sounds fabulous to have such greeat therapy..and for you to have had a woamn work with you before this guy...done all that work on the relationship u have with your mother...now she has recommende you to this great therapist who helps with your fathe rissues..
it sounds very good therapy, and wonder is it free as pasrt of being at uni?
respect
scentedgarden
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