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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by aLII on June 4, 2002, at 4:15:26
....undoing.
Where else can one fall apart so honestly. Truly expose one's inner pain. Allow others to see that the masks are too hard to keep up.
I fooled so many for so long.....now that I am working on me and trying to keep that as main goal I find myself feeling more and more undone.
Pills pills pills pills. Yoga, exercise, good eats, etc........none of these things even crack surface of self hatred/darkness when it is like boa constrictor tightening in for the kill.
Benzos. I need to talk to acu. and pdoc in next week to get meds together for travels.....I have anxiety over this......trip I've made many times before and to place I know well but suddenly I am freaking out about it and have been using the dang benzos throughout the days some days just to get through......otherwise I would revert to old cm's that aren't helpful but instead rather harmful.
Craziness spewing from mind plunging into darkness.
aLII
Posted by Fi on June 5, 2002, at 10:55:12
In reply to I will continue to subject this board to my....., posted by aLII on June 4, 2002, at 4:15:26
Hang on in there and carry on posting! I'm sure many of us have been in a similar place to you, and it is terrible and terrifying but survivable. And a common and unspectacular experience, tho it feels uniquely appalling at the time. Your pdoc and others should also be your allies at this time, and are likely to be similarly unsurprised at how you are feeling. They will have seen lots of people there who have got better again. Gradually, you become stronger than the boa constrictor.
Even it they are making no difference to your mood, its really good if you are managing to eat and exercise- that helps keep your body going, which is important.
Good luck.
Fi
Posted by alii on June 5, 2002, at 11:28:48
In reply to Re: I will continue to subject this board to my..... » aLII, posted by Fi on June 5, 2002, at 10:55:12
>>>And a common and unspectacular experience, tho it feels uniquely appalling at the time.<<<
Yup. Like I mentioned to another poster last night I am temped by the dark lures of my depression BUT I am AWARE that this is just that----DEPRESSION.
So indeed I slog through empty and angry and scared.
Your words help. Thank you kindly.
Namaste
a.
Posted by fi on June 9, 2002, at 11:35:01
In reply to nail on head.... » Fi, posted by alii on June 5, 2002, at 11:28:48
The fact that some kernel inside you can realise its depression is absolutely invaluable.
Empty and tired and scared are exhausting things to cope with. Hang on in there- we're willing you on thru this slog.
Fi
This is the end of the thread.
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