Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on March 15, 2007, at 21:47:05
my writing was pretty crappy today.
I'm terrified that I don't have what it takes to get this project done. I've got drafts of about 50% and I still have data analysis to do and I'm freaking out that I've made myself an unreasonable deadline. What if I don't finish my draft? What if it's a sloppy piece of sh*t when I give it to my advisor.so scared.
I woke up at 2 in the am yesterday and worked from 2 -5 am, slept until 9, and then worked again for a few hours in the afternoon.
My thoughts seem to be a "blooming buzzing confusion" and that's scary to me.
I wish my mind were a single linear thread sometimes, and that I could just grab that thread and wrestle it and staple it down on the page in neat row after row of formatted text. Instead, I find myself rambling on and on, saying the same thing 10 times in a row, or writing in an ever increasing spiral, away from the very theme at the core of my argument.
What am I afraid of
not being done on deadline
sloppiness and disapproval of my advisor
disappointing my "fan" who has been an advocate for my research and helped arrange my prestigious fellowship this past year.what if I Phail?
what if I Phlounder?okay. now time for more affirmations
must turn these negative thoughts around in time for bed
I have never missed a deadline in my entire life. This will be no different. It's just a string of 10 page papers. I've written multiple 10 page papers in a week before. this one will be a collection of 10 page chapters organized around my theme.
I know this stuffph better than anyone else in the entire world.
I can convey that I know this stuff better than anyone else in the whole wide world.
my mom can help with editing. if I let her.
babble can help with venting, if I let it
my T is on vacation, but when she comes back, I will have a draft of sorts
my sleeping pill is kicking in. I'm feeling woozy. that's a good sign.
now I lay me down to sleep... etc
-Ll
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:741424
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/studs/20070113/msgs/741424.html